Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
Weddings and funerals are the same because I love going but I don't want them to be about me.
So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.
There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey.
My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. I asked her how she colored it and she said she didn't know what I was talking about.
Events: ST. PATRICK'S DAY
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them!
My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Events: NEW YEAR
If you had friends like mine, you'd be the luckiest guy in the world!
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.