Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear
There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey.
They say St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. I wonder if he could do that for Congress.
Events: ST. PATRICK'S DAY
I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says, "Senior Discount, Please!"
The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.